R-E-S-P-E-C-T

One of the advantages of where I live is its proximity to three different subway lines. It's easy to get to work and it's easy to get anywhere in the city quickly, so I rarely take taxis.

Recently I dropped my nephew off at Penn Station before I was supposed to meet a friend on the upper east side. I was on the west side in midtown and had to go all the way across town and then way north. Determined to use public transportation, I took a crosstown bus and then found myself on the right side of town but about 50 blocks from where I needed to be. I bit the bullet and haled a cab.

The ride was uneventful until we got up into the 80s. As we slowed down I watched a woman wade into the street and into traffic to try to hale down a cab. The cab driver spoke to me:

Driver: "You see that? People in this country have no respect for cabdrivers. I am from Brazil. I have driven a cab in many countries all over the world. Here, people have no respect."
Paully: "Yeah. Well. Hmmm."
Driver: "Do you know sometimes on rainy nights when we take cab out of service people will throw themselves on the hood of our cabs?"
Paully: "Huh. I guess that doesn't surprise me."
Driver: "That would never happen in Brazil. You know why? In Brazil we all carried guns. If someone throw himself on the hood of your car, you shoot him and people learn not to do these things."
Paully: "Well, you can let me off here on the right ...."
Driver: "You think people would make you drive to the Bronx or Brooklyn and then not pay if they knew I had a gun?"
Paully: "No.... uh, it's just not right."
Driver: "They don't let you carry guns here. How do you teach respect?!"
Paully: "Well, if you can just give four dollars back ..."

The driver seemed to want to keep talking to me. But I gave him a big tip and jumped out of the cab. I haven't been in one since.

The other night I emerged from having drinks with a friend at about 1 o'clock in the morning and refused to take a cab. I just needed to walk about 8 blocks north and then jump on the 7 train across town. I guess it was about 5 minutes into my subway ride when I realized that I had gotten on the train in the wrong direction and was headed to Queens. Maybe I'm taking this aversion to cabs thing a little far.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

One thing about living in New York is that you really don't know when full-out drama is going to erupt right in front of you. And what's really funny is that sometimes it breaks out so suddenly, you just sit back as if you're in your living room and not right there in the action. I got on the subway to go home tonight and it all seemed kind of mundane ...

So I sat down on the A train tonight and some raggedy guy brushed me with his bicycle but I ignored him. Another gentleman on the train was not so willing to let it go and then things got interesting. I will translate for non-New York readers of this blog:

Man 1: "I say sir, you failed to properly apologize when you grazed me with your bicycle." [Hey, I didn't hear 'excuse me.']
Man 2: "My dear sir, you are sadly mistaken." [I said 'excuse me' -- ain't my problem if you can't hear.]
Man 1: "I urge you to reconsider! My hearing faculties are perfectly intact." [Bullshit!]
Man 2: "You sir have offended my honor! I challenge you to a duel!" [You want a piece of this m&*$%erf'er? ... (Pulls out boxcutter.)]
Man 1: (Stands) I accept your challenge, my good man! [Let's do it f&^%er!]
Man 2: "I stand ready to engage!" [Bring it ^&%&*]
Man 3: "Please I insist that you settle this like the gentlemen that you are!" [You two better stop this. There are people right next to you.]
Man 1: "You vex me sir!" [You better stop running your mouth.]
Man 3: "Please, gentleman, your honor is at stake!" [You two are immature. You're going to go to jail!]
Man 2: (holds his saber forth) [lunatic waving box-cutter around]
Man 1: "We must settle this in a proper venue!" [Get off this f**&ing train!]
Man 2: "We shall engage!" [I'm right here m*&^erf*&er!]

At this point most of the spectators on the train had scattered. Man #1 continued to scream "get off this train!" I moved to the next car, but then realized we weren't leaving the station because Man #1 was holding the doors in the 14th street station insisting that his adversary engage on the platform. I walked across the platform to catch a local train and watched as Man #1 got off the train and Man #2 continued to taunt him as the train pulled away.

Just another ride home ... you wouldn't think 5 stops on the subway could bring that level of drama, but tonight it did.

photo from Dominick Chapman's photostream on flickr

Men Never Ask for Directions

I went to the subway tonight to go home. I had stayed two hours later than usual at the office and was dead tired. I began the long walk down the corridor at W. 3rd Street to the train platform when I saw there was a train waiting in the station so I ran down the ramp and watched as the express train on my left and the local train on my right closed their doors and pulled out of the station without me. I missed two trains by seconds. Rather than get ticked off, I listened to our house piano player and another train was in the station is about five minutes. I stepped onto the uptown local and a woman, who must have been mentally ill or just didn't care anymore, in about the most shrill voice I've ever heard, began shouting "DOES THIS TRAIN GO TO 86th Street?!!!!" The people on the train looked at each other bewildered, but did not respond. Again, she shouted, in tone that was hurting dogs somewhere, "DOES THIS TRAIN GO TO 86th Street?!!!!" I then heard muttering and someone must have said something to her because she stopped shouting.

In case you're wondering, no, that train did not go to 86th Street.

We Have Very Simple Needs

One thing that has taken some getting used to returning to New York is using public transportation. There are very few times in life you're required to get as physically close to a complete stranger as when you're jammed onto a subway car. Today I had the good fortune of being jammed next to a very pretty, tall 20-something young woman who was reading on the train. Now I see this every day, so it's not unusual, but I noticed that she was going to great pains to fold her book over so that the cover would not be visible. She would carefully turn each page, folding it back, keeping the cover and the spine of the book completely hidden. Intrigued, I glanced over to see what the offending title was. Now what is so embarassing about reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys? Honestly, I don't think we're that hard to understand. Men have very simple needs, but I'd never criticize somebody for trying to get a little education.